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*sigh*

Jul. 30th, 2007 | 12:46 am
mood: Hurt Hurt
music: None

I feel like just giving up. No matter how hard I try to make him understand he never does. It doesn't take much to make me happy yet it isn't working out. I'm tired of the "I'm sorry's" and I'm tired of constantly being hurt. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I should just get a job and move out on my own. I'm sure he would be alot happier without me. Maybe he could find someone that thinks the things he does is cute. I love him and I always will but there has to be more to a relationship. Whoever said love was enough is a fucking liar. He just sees me as being unreasonable and bitching. That's where our problem is. It's not just me, I swear to God it isn't. I admit I bitch without reason to but here lately there is a reason and he doesn't seem to get that. I'm not trying to control him and I hate feeling like I'm his mom instead of his girlfriend. He doesn't even treat me the way most guys treat their girls anymore. He used to love doing things for me and just being in the same room with each other not doing a damn thing would make him happy. Now if we're not up doing something or going somewhere he goes fucking crazy. I've never been the type of person that loved going out 24/7. God, I don't even feel like typing anymore. Love sucks. I've always said that and I'm saying it now. I guess I'm doomed to be miserable for the rest of my life. No matter how hard I try to be happy and to make myself happy there's always some kind of bullshit. I honestly wish that whatever my purpose in life is would hurry up and show itself because if this is it, I'd rather not live at all. 

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Writer's Block: In The Money

Jul. 28th, 2007 | 01:14 am
mood: sick sick
music: Funniest Home Videos

If you won $100 this afternoon, what would you do with it?


Shit, if I won $100 I would blow it all on gaiaonline.com monthly letters so I could sell them and make more gold so I could get a better avatar. lol That's so lame isn't it? Most people would probably buy clothes or something but I'd blow it on a stupid internet site. I became more addicted to gaia since they banned my account. I know that's silly because I lost alot of items and gold but now I have something to look forward to and that's getting better items and more gold. So yeah, if I won $100, it would all go to waste. :]

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Fuck

Jul. 23rd, 2007 | 02:34 pm
mood: depressed depressed
music: Cheeto Commercial

I'm going crazy. For the past few months me and Joey have done nothing but fight. They're the most stupid little fights ever but I feel like they're really hurting our relationship. When we first got together everything was perfect in my eyes. We always got along and we had so much. I feel like if it weren't for Joey I wouldn't even be here right now. I was going through alot of bullshit with my mom and Joey helped me through it. The last day I lived with my mom she had beat the hell out of me for reasons I still can't understand. Joey told me I could move in with him that day and I did. I packed everything I could into 2 big boxes and I left that night. I still remember it like it was yesterday. He had to work that night so he basically just dropped me off at the apartment and left to go to work. While he was gone I unpacked all my things and I remember being scared to death that my mom would come and try to get me .I was 18 so she really couldn't force me to move back in with her but I have a hard time standing up to my mom in situations like that. Anyway, hours went by and there was no sign of her. Finally he got off work and came in the house. I was laying in bed with all my stuffed animals, pillows, and blankets. He didn't even see me. I remember laying there laughing while he went room to room looking for me. I said his name and he came into the room and we just layed there talking. I told him I was worried about my mom coming to find me and he said that he wouldn't let her do anything else. I was still worried so we got into the car and drove around so that if she did come to the apartment, we wouldn't be there. She happened to work overtime that night so she didn't get home until after 3 am. I know this because I wanted to drive by her house to see if she was home or out. She was at home standing on the front porch like she was looking for something. I felt horrible because I love my mom to death but there was no way I could continue living with her. I went through life with a sorry excuse for a dad and didn't want to continue putting up with the crap my mom would dish out. Anyway, being with Joey is the only time I ever felt completely safe. The first year went by with us getting along great and having tons of fun. We would do the stupidest things and it was great. Now it's just like all we do is fight. I can't even talk without him interupting or wanting to argue. I don't want to get into detail of all the things we fight about but it's getting rediculous. He has changed so much within the past year. I know I've changed to because alot of the things we used to do I don't like doing anymore because I realize now how imature and stupid they are. I don't think it's funny to go through walmart knocking everything off the shelves, I don't think it's funny to do damage to other people's things and I deffinitely don't think it's funny to make fun of people that are different. He does though. That's one of our major things. He acts like he's still a little kid. I don't act very mature by any means but I still act a little more grown up than that. I just wish he would snap out of it. He's 2 years older than me so you would think he would have been the one to grow up first. I know he's going to read this and get pissed off and it will probably start another fight but I can't help it. I've told him all this to his face but he never gets it. He never understands the things he does to hurt my feelings. I hate the lies, the imaturity, and the side of him that constantly wants to argue. I love to argue myself but not with him. I love him to death and when we fight it messes our relationship up big time. You have no idea how many times in the past couple of months I've thought about leaving because our fights are getting so rediculous. A big part has to do with his parents to. I feel like he would rather do things to make them happy than to try to work things out with me. He works for his dad and all I ask is that he has Saturday and Sunday off. He agreed to that but throughout the day Saturday and Sunday he was working. Then he wonders why I get upset. I don't want him to end up like his dad thinking he has to work 24/7. I know he's trying to do it for us but I also think he's doing it to impress his dad. I don't expect anyone to know what I'm talking about or to even think they know how I feel about the situation because it's complicated but just know that it's a big deal and it really hurts. I always feel like I'm in a battle between him and his family. His parents don't care much for me and to be honest I don't care. I'm tired of caring. They've given their opinion of me already and that just changed my mind about them forever. I used to want them to accept me and for me to be a part of their family but here lately they can kiss my ass. Joey knows the hurtful things they've done and said yet he still feels like he needs to go out of his way to make them happy and it seems as if he doesn't care if I'm hurt or not. I don't want him to not have a relationship with his parents and I want him to continue working for his dad but I'd like it if he would learn to stand up for himself and me when it comes to the shit they dish out. I know none of this is making any sense because I'm all over the place. I should have expressed my feelings a long time ago so they wouldn't be all confusing when I finally did. It's like about 5 minutes ago there was an explosion in my head and I felt the need to write. I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING! If things don't change I don't know what I'm going to do. He's always promising me that things will change but I end up being let down. I know that I have my faults and I'm not denying them for a second but he has his faults and I can't work on mine until he works on his. I feel like screaming. >.<

One more thing, I know I've misspelled alot of words and that bothers me because I'm like a grammer nazi...but fuck it. lol

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Harry Potter

Jul. 15th, 2007 | 08:51 pm
mood: White and nerdy White and nerdy
music: Joey is talking to himself.

The new Harry Potter movie, in my opinion, was really good. I haven't read any of the books so far so I don't know how it's different. I just know that this one was one of my favorites so far. But, last night after the movie was over, I had to go to walmart and buy the 6th book to read because the way it ended didn't make me happy. Like I said, I haven't read any of the books so far so I'm wondering if I should have before reading the 6th one. I plan on reading the last one too when it comes out. I bet there will be a lines everywhere when that book comes out.

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*sniffles*

Jul. 14th, 2007 | 03:06 pm
location: The usual.
mood: moody moody
music: Timbaland - The Way I Are

I hate allergies. I have the worse ever. I always have a clogged nose and itchy eyes. I can't afford the good allergy medicine so I use Benadryl. It works great but it knocks me out every time. I don't know what it is about that shit but I could sleep for days after taking 2 pills. I've tried other stuff but it doesn't work. The Benadryl only helps for the watery and itchy eyes. I have to use Afrin for the clogged nose and then after a couple of days of using that I become addicted and my nose won't unclog without it. I hate summer and spring. I feel much better when everything outside dies. lol

Anyway, enough about that. My bf is finally home. I had to drive to get him last night and then come all the way back home. It was a little after 4 am when I got back. It pretty much ruined my whole day yesterday. It wasn't his fault but I was still bitchy about it. I still am. lol I'm always bitchy though. 

I'm going to see Harry Potter today. I'm looking forward to it. I usually enjoy those movies. I fell asleep in the theater during the last Harry Potter movie though. I hope this one is more entertaining. I've heard good and bad reviews on it so I don't know. My movie taste usually differs from others.

I got a warning from LJ in my email yesterday for leaving people comments in their journal about my forum. I don't know why people get so pissed off about that kind of thing. I even had a few people threaten to kill me for spamming their journal. It's the fucking internet! If you don't like my comment, delete it and be done with it. It's not like I'm leaving a million comments on the same journal about it. I don't know what's wrong with people today. Then a few people were getting pissed because they were 20 and they were no longer a teen. Well, younger teens need advice from young adults too. That's why I included 20 in my search of people to send the comment to. I figure, I'm 20, I've been through it all and I figure by the time you reach 20 you are able to give some good advice to teens 12-16. I wasn't trying to insult anyone by inviting them to a teen forum. :-/

 

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Rawr [:

Jul. 13th, 2007 | 12:14 am
location: On meh butt
mood: anxious anxious
music: Roseanne

Today I went with my mom to see that movie 1408. It was kinda confusing and not very scary. I rate it a 6 out of 10...10 being awesome and 1 being sucky.

My bf was supposed to be home tonight but one of the flights got canceled so he's not gonna be home until morning. I'm debating if I should even try to sleep tonight since I'll have to go pick him in the morning at his parents house. Things never go as planned. :-/

Mom and I got to spend quite a bit of time together today. We went to Chili's to eat. They have some pretty good food. I hadn't eaten there in a long time because the last time I went their ribs smelt like ass. No joke... Then we went to the movie and then we were going to go to Johnson City to see if I could find some new jeans since I only have one pair. Mom took the interstate the whole way and got off the wrong exit because we were talking and we ended up kinda lost. By the time we got to the mall it was 15 minutes until closing. lol I didn't get any new clothes.

So, that was pretty much it for the day. Now I'm just watching Roseanne and trying to get the dogs to stop fighting. Damn dogs. lol

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Writer's Block: Words that you love and hate

Jul. 12th, 2007 | 12:45 am
location: Living room as usual.
mood: My head feels like a balloon My head feels like a balloon
music: Commercial on TV about a bridal sale.

What are your favorite and least favorite words? Any reasons why?

My first writer's block. Woo!

I really really hate the word "cream" I don't know why, I just do. It makes me think of sperm or something. lol
My bf bugs me all the time and says the word and I get really disgusted. I really hate corn and the fact they make cream corn really disgusts me. I guess it's just the images that come to mind. I dunno.


Anyway, I'm gonna add a little of what I did today. My mom and I went out to breakfast this morning. I had a hellofa time sleeping last night because my allergies were bothering me so bad. So, after breakfast I went back to bed and slept until 6 this evening. I do that all the time. I stay up all night and sleep all day. So, after I woke up I went up to my mom's house and we watched movies and ate dinner together. I haven't spent this much time with my mom in a long long time. Since my bf is out of town it gives me a good chance to do that. I don't usually get along with my mom that well but here lately we've been getting along pretty good. It makes me happeh! lol Tomorrow we're going to a movie and out to eat. We're gonna go see 1408. I hope it's good. The last couple movies I've seen in theaters were crap. 

My bf comes back tomorrow night. It will be around midnight before I head his way. I have to drive to his parents house to pick him up. I enjoy the long drives by myself because it gives me a good chance to clear my head. I don't know what it is about driving but it's one of the best ways to clear your head. 

Well, I'm going to bed now. Got a long day tomorrow. :]

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My first entry

Jul. 10th, 2007 | 07:21 pm
location: Living room
mood: sleepy sleepy
music: One of those court shows on tv

Let me first explain the username. Awhile back I had watched this movie that talked about different ways to say "I love you". When mouth the words "elephant glue" it looks like you're saying "I love you" from a distance. Also, it works the same way with "olive juice". Don't ask why...I just think that's really cute and works really well for people that have a hard time saying those 3 little words. I don't have a hard time saying it but it's still cute nonetheless. 

Anyway, enough about that. I've had an account on here but it was a few years ago and I thought I might as well start with something new and fresh. I started this again because I have a lot of thoughts and I need a place to put them. Plus, I found out that LJ does a "writers block" thing and I love to write. A third reason is to let people know about my new forum for teens. I know people HATE advertising but I really hope that some of you out there take an intrests in forums and be willing to join mine. I'll probably flash it around as often as I can just in hopes to get new members. Link -  
http://fun4allteens.informe.com 

Ok, so a little about myself. My name is Kasi and I'm 20 years old. I'll be 21 in December. I live with my bf. We've been together almost 2 years. I don't have a job right now but I am looking. I was going to school for web design but I had to quit when my grandfather got put in the hospital in critical condition. He needed someone to sit with him and my mom worked and the rest of my family couldn't be bothered so I sat with him while my mother worked. I lost my financial aid when I quit so I have to earn my own money to go back. I hope to be a child psychologist someday. I have worked before though. I worked at Food City from the age of 15 to 18 and then worked at Wal-Mart for a few months. That's where I met Joey, my bf. Anyway, I quit Wal-Mart because they sucked. I swear they are the worse company to work for. I'm not gonna get into that right now though. I have a lot of pets all of which I love to death. I'm a huge animal lover. I have 5 cats, 2 dogs, 2 rabbits, 2 hermit crabs, and quite a few hamsters. I'm trying to find homes for the hamsters though because having as many as I do was a mistake. None of them are in cages, they just run around in a room upstairs. Crazy huh? My rabbits got loose and destroyed all the cages so I have nowhere to put them. Anyway, my pets names are Kitty, Tiger, Foxy, Freckles, Pepper, Niblet, Peanut, Cookie, Bunny, Hermy, and Pincher. The hamsters don't have names. Those were in order from cats, to dogs, to rabbits, to crabs. I'm sure you can figure out what's what.

So, that was a little bit about me. I hope that I can keep myself interested in LJ because I think writing will do me some good. I also hope to make a lot of new friends on here and I REALLY hope to see some new faces on my forum. ^_^

http://fun4allteens.informe.com

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